La Casita de Mateo

Precioso angelito Mateo David, El nombre que escogimos para ti Cosita preciosa… Solo once onzas, 23 centímetros y una extraordinaria capacidad para transformar nuestras vidas para siempre y para tocar muchos corazones. Esperamos y rezamos por tu llegada por seis largos años… Seis años de lucha y dolor, llenos de incertidumbres porque te tomo tanto tiempo llegar… Pero por ti valió tanto la pena esperar! Pequeño Mateo, Dios escogió el mejor momento para tu llegada! Nosotros no estábamos listos para recibir semejante regalo! Primero necesitábamos crecer y convertirnos en mejores personas Para ti! Tu existencia solo duro cinco minutos en este mundo pero siempre estarás en nuestros corazones y en nuestras almas. Tenemos tanta suerte de haberte tenido, Tu eres lo mejor que me ha pasado a mi y a tu papá … el significado y la mejor expresión de nuestro amor. Precioso ángel, Nunca cambiaríamos nada acerca de nuestra historia...

Dear Little Angel, When I met your papá about twelve years ago, he was going through very difficult times. He was struggling financially and was also dealing with the loss of his children, your siblings from his previous marriage.   A long custody battle that ended up in your siblings cutting ties with us for good. I know you will help us with this, my love, you are pure love, forgiveness, tenderness... It was during those difficult times, when somebody gave your papa a postcard with a poem that he remembers dearly and that gives him strength in times of adversity. God communicates with us in such magical ways my darling bebé. Last Sunday, when I finally had the strength to unpack my suitcase from the hospital, I noticed there was a gift box from the hospital staff. It contained a beautiful pendant with little feet engraved. It also contained a tiny wrapped paper, carefully tied with a lace. When I opened it, I was surprised to read the poem inside! It was t...

Beloved Mateo, Life goes on… for others… for me on the other hand it feels as if the clock had stopped a second before I learned you were not “compatible” for this world. You are too precious for that… My insomnia is gone... at least I can go to sleep now… Bad dreams invade my nights, but that’s okay, I can at least rest… My breasts are finally returning to normal and the physical pain is gone… Eating is still an issue… I can’t bear to look at myself in the mirror after a meal… the smallest growth in my tummy reminds me of you being inside me and I can’t deal with that image… just yet… People have been very supportive… Some still say things that make me mad… “ I also suffered when I had my miscarriage”… “I totally understand…” “I’ve been there before”… I feel like responding to them: “Really? Did you go to labor knowing your baby wouldn’t survive? Did your baby die in your arms? Did you have to make funeral arrangements for your newborn baby?”… But no my darling beb...

Querido pedacito de amor, El día que escribí estas cartas soñé con que algún día llegarías a leerlas... Tal vez cuando fueras adulto?... tal vez las leerías cuando yo muriera? Cuando el lógico camino de la vida hiciera lo suyo, en vez de ser yo quien fuese la que tuviera que despedirse de ti tan pronto... De igual manera son tus cartas, pedacito de amor, regalito sagrado de Dios... son tuyas y lo serán para siempre Sábado 30 de Junio, 2018 Querido pedacito de amor, Hace dos años estuve en la misma playa desde la que te escribo ahora esta carta. Veía a lo lejos como una mujer embarazada disfrutaba de las olas del mar acariciando su hermosa barriguita.  No te puedo mentir que en vez de ternura, sentí un dolor profundo. un puñal en el corazón que para ese entonces se había convertido en un mal crónico.  Las barrigas de embarazada representaban el recordatorio constante de mi incapacidad por traerte a este mundo. la impotencia de pensar que hay tantas cosas en la v...

Precious angel, It's been five days since I met you and since you went to heaven. I now understand what people mean when they talk about the "baby smell". Your precious baby smell is still all over me... My breast are filled with what was supposed to be your food... a little cruel reminder that you are no longer here with me, but another sacrifice I am more than glad to take upon for you... I feel you here with me now,  I see you on every corner I turn to... Sometimes sadness is such that I don't know if I can go on without you... I can't be bitter. How can I be? You are pure love, the greatest expression of love, nothing about this experience can make me feel angry... You have been inside and listened to my heart beat, and I listened to yours... that little perfect sound that used to tell me you were okay in my tummy... that same heart beat that stopped five minutes after you were born my love, my everything... I can't wait to reunite with you in heaven my...